I knew today would be difficult. I feel like I was not my normal, compassionate self. I am not even sure if this is appropriate to share, but yet, I am itching to write about it, and I certainly do not mean to offend.
I was part of a meeting today and we had a moment of silence to remember those who were affected by the tragedy we now know as "Nine Eleven." As the moments went by, all you could hear in the room was the "tick, tick, tick" of the clock. Maybe no one else noticed, but for me, it was a haunting feeling to listen to each "tick...tick...tick" of the second hand on that clock.
Everyone sat there and reflected, I suppose, on what that day meant for them. And I think that was totally appropriate, and I felt honored that we would all take that time out of our lives for respect to those who had heartache that day and beyond. We never really know how that tragedy affected anyone and how those feelings manifest themselves, we can only give hope and prayers for whatever relief of pain, or circumstance that people involved in tragedies suffer.
As the moment passed, I assumed we would go onto business at hand, because like that tragedy and those we also look back on in honor and respect, we had to continue on with our life, and continue to be positive, motivated, and strong. I am sure I was the only one in the room who disliked what occurred next. We began to share stories of our own emotions of that tragedy, of how we came to find out, who we knew who was in New York that fateful day, who saw what and how awful it was not to be able to get home in the face of this act. I know people find this therapeutic, and a release, and a moment of bonding. And I know I sound very unemotional when I say this, but I hated this whole section of our meeting. It weighed me down considerably, but I had to endure. I respect everyone who had something to say, I even understand, but I would rather have such intimate emotions be played out during a private lunch, a designated time to share these strong feelings.
These moments of discussion, for me, provided moments of negativity. I just wanted to yell, "Shut Up!" I know we all bring "self" into situations, but these memories do not provide relief for the dead, or the living. It was purely for the importance of self. This all has its place, which should have been our inside voices during the silent reflection time.
Bottom line, we are lucky to be alive. We are lucky we are here to tell the story. The television will replay the events of that day and show the utter panic, mayhem, and foolishness. That is their job. There will be profiles of the families affected, and our hearts will pour out for them. If you are an American, that day makes you stop and appreciate what democracy, among other freedoms and choices, really means. When this memory is here, we all suffer, we all cry, we all hurt. In the memory of this tragedy, anyone who died could have been our mother, father, son, daughter, cousin, grandchild, etc. We should never think of ourselves, where we were, or how we found out. On this day, in a moment of silent reflection, it should be about "everyone" and not just "me."
I was profoundly impacted by "Nine Eleven" in a very personal way, and it did not stop just on that day, but on a remembrance day like today, you have to put "I" way back in your mind, and just let flow the good vibes, good karma, good energy, and good will to those who passed, those who still endure, and those who were somehow plucked from being a part of this tragedy just before it became an actual tragedy.
No one in that room knows the depth of my emotion around "Nine Eleven," which is very hard for me, but I feel it is more of an honor to be able to reflect and pray for those who had no choice in the giving of their lives. When you look around the room when you are in a meeting, never take for granted how profound this can be to one, none, or all. And when tragedies like this happen, a moments silence is exactly what it should be, a moment to think your own thoughts, to reflect the way you feel appropriate without spreading your own gospel.
Life is precious.
So take moments of silence to reflect on this tragedy, but to also take moments of silence to realize how great your life is. I use my moment of silence daily during the saying of "grace" at my supper table. When one of us talks, the other is able to have silent reflection. Take a moment of silence...and don't wait for the next tragedy.